After reading a friend's latest entries in her diary, I thought about
writing my "closing" arguments on friendzoning and "nice guys finish
last". I decided that it isn't worth my energy right now. But I'll say
the following and leave it at that:
Friendzoning is an act of
selfishness. This is because love is beautiful when you're the
recipient. When someone loves you, they make you a very high priority in
their lives. You benefit a lot from that. They're always there for you.
You can count on that. If you have any kind of need, they will be right
there to stretch themselves and provide it. But here's where it gets
tough: love is vastly expensive to the lover. The lover spends a very
difficult kind of currency - themselves. Where do you replenish such
expenses? Only from other people who love you in the same degree.
Now,
someone is spending themselves on you and you enjoy that. But you would
rather not spend yourself on them for whatever reason is applicable to
you. What do you do? Call Love Friendship and invent arguments for why
they should keep up the expense even when it kills them to do so. That
is what makes the Friendzone issue difficult to leave alone. Those who
have been drained like that tend to be cynical about love and the value
or worth of fellow human beings.
About the "nice guys finish
last" matter, I have only this to say: like attracts like. If a woman is
attracted to men who do not respect or value womanhood, it says a lot
about her not just about men who do respect womanhood. If a woman wants
tough guys who are all about swag and money and bachelor pads, whatever
she says about them being real and all that, it means only that she is
not very interested in motherhood and stability. You want to live the
life of the club and spotlights, you don't belong in the home, the
kitchen and the bedroom and nursery. It's that simple.
When a man
or woman is ready to take on life, they don't look for fast-moving
stuff, they look for deep roots. And if they have spent their youth
running around and jumping on every train headed south, well they have
the consequence that they will not be very deserving of any kind of
love, to say nothing of a good man's or woman's love. Forgiveness exists
to ensure that they can be rescued but it is not something they have
any right to. So if you're a nice guy and the flashy girls are giving
you the cold shoulder, move on. Don't complain. Simply build yourself a
life you can be proud of and you will have your own pick of women. Don't
be bitter about other people's choices even if they hurt you. Just free
them and thus free yourself to breathe, to live, to grow and become
everything you can be.
Addendum: I realize that there is a
conflict about the definition of "nice guys". I have only this to say
about it: there are dull guys, there are players and there are decent
men. Dull guys are boys who have not acquired the, er, "balls" to take
on life. Players are the typical bad boys. Decent men are the "nice
guys" in question here. Decent men make homes. They tend to keep long
relationships so whenever they're in the market after their first time,
they aren't nearly always the most polished. They place their women very
high on their priority list because they understand gow critical the
role of womanhood is to a man. You don't generally find them in clubs,
not because they don't like fun but because they have moral boundaries.
You won't meet them at strip joints unless they're on a break from
decency. They aren't regulars at pick-up bars and restaurants because
some things tend to be overdone. A decent guy is simply a man with
boundaries. He does not live on a constant high. He is a centered person
and does not chase thrills as a matter of course. That's the nice guy
here. If you have any other definition, it doesn't apply to my
arguments.
There, have a nice thought or two now.
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