1- The perpetual late comer: This one has an obsession with being noticed. She always 'majestically' dogwalks( not catwalk) into the church right in the middle of the service, swinging her small but 'standard' bumbum, head held high, and proceeds straight to the front row. Her 'long walk to freedom' most times succeeds in destabilizing the pious and godly 'Brothers in the Lord', who now have a hard time concentrating on 'Manna from above'. She is usually young, pretty, and very much a busy body.
2- The Extremely Gorgeous Chorister: This one is dropdead pretty, has an angelic voice, and is the church's golden girl. At times, she also leads praise and worship sessions. Her 'ministration' is most likely to lead a man to hell than heaven. Watching her 'dance to the Lord' is like watching soft Indecency.. It can cause a guy an embarrassing Attention right there in the House of The Lord. She doesn't dress or act slutty, but her dressing and carriage is just modest enough to conceal the essentials, and revealing enough to make an excited dude drop his whole month's salary into the offering Box. Too many brethren are seeking her hand in marriage, and she has her choice of pick among the church's most eligible bachelors. So she is a bit proud, condescending, and mostly unavailable if a guy tries to 'corner' her after church service.
3- The loud ones: These girls usually come to church just to hoot, shout 'ride on pastor!', speak in tongues, and roll on the floor, during the pastor's Ministration. In my view, these are the Pastor's sycophants. They really make the Pastor look anointed, with all their psychedelic activity. They are the the ones who rush out when the pastor says that all virgins should come to the alter. They are also the ones who always fall around, breaking chairs, and alarming everyone , all in the name of being 'under the yoke of the anointing'. Stay away from these kind of girls, before them comot your eye, or cause u grave physical injury, while under their 'annointing'.
4- The 'Mummy's Girl': This one is always accompanied to church by her stern-faced mum. She is usually not older than 16, but looking very delectable and fresh. (You know that 'innocent freshness' girls usually have at one point in their teenage years, before 'everything' starts going south). A dude dare not come within talking distance of this chick. Her mum is far more interested in protecting her daughter's presumed innocence, than whatever it is the pastor is carrying on about. These are the kind of girls a guy can do nothing about, but admire from a safe distance, unless you wish to extend your investigation beyond God's House.
5- The young, beautiful and newly married girl: This one always has a permanent smile plastered on her face. Why she no go smile? She has broken the yoke of spinsterhood in grand style, and most unmarried sisters are envious of her 'progress'. Most of the time, she is married to a much older rich dude who is a member of the Pastor's inner caucus (the Church Cabal). She usually wears expensive wrappers, distracting headties, and hardly stays at one place all through, and even after the service. No be her fault sha... Why she no go show herself? Husband don really scarce for town.
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