5 Things You Didn’t Know About ‘Eastlando’ Chics

In Eastlands, anything goes. It’s one region in Nairobi that’s always full of adventure and legendary tales. Growing up there can shape you into a street smart human but being a grown up there is a problem on its own. What makes Eastlando even more special happens to be the women. They are amazing and fazing in equal measure, hence my desire to explore their traits. Here are 5 things you didn’t know about Eastlando ladies:

Easy To maintain

Eastlando ladies do their hair at ‘Salon za mtaani’ or city market. They also get their attire from affordable markets like Gikosh or Muthurwa. What’s amazing is that they are pure experts at chosing sexy clothes. An Eastlando chic might be wearing clothes whose total value from head to toe is less than 500 bob but she'll look really sexy. When it comes to getting wasted, Eastlando chics are unsung queens. Unlike a ‘barbie’ chic who’ll tell you she doesn’t take hard liquor. you don’t have to buy an Eastlando chic several beers or wine. Mzinga moja ya 300 imetosha. And she doesn’t mind contributing to the cost. So if you don't like investing heavily and gettting little returns, get yourself an Eastlando babe.

They are DTF

An Eastlando chic doesn’t make you wait for too long before dropping the P. She’s ‘Down to fu*ck’ (DTF), and she knows all the styles so well you might think there' an exam for that. She enjoys ‘kukatana’ just as much as you do. This lady really doesn’t see it as if she’s doing you a favour by letting you into her 'goodyland'. This is unlike a ‘barbie’ chic from Karen or Kileleshwa who’ll make you buy several mugs of Espresso coffee before she even kisses you. For an Eastlando chic, so long as you are a cool guy who is showing genuine interest in her, she can allow you to tap. The bad thing is she can’t be trusted. You don’t know how many people she has slept with. You will have a string of nightmares if you make a mistake of dipping it in there raw.

They can date broke guys

Eastlando chics know the struggle. They say Le Struggle is real in these sides of town. These babes believe in growing financially with a man. Money doesn’t have to be a top condition for her to date you. When you do date them, they don’t expect you to take them to every event or buy them lots of gifts. They just exxpect you to be loyal and responsible. Chics from the westside of Nai, or better yet, the surbabian side, are a huge contrast from their sister from the East .They'll never ever think of dating a moneyless individual. It doesn’t matter if your personal qualities are better than those of Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King combined. If you don’t have money, you can go fap. They don’t care.

They gossip a lot

These ladies can never keep a secret. Neither can they keep their mouths shut. Tell an Eastlando chic something and it’ll go viral like Vera’s photo. They know which couple fought last night, who the landlord is sleeping with, who got rich and moved out and what the neighbor cooks everyday. There is no privacy in Eastlands, thanks to the female species there. Privacy ni wewe

They don’t tolerate bullshit

They have been branded the champions of catfights. Cheat on an Eastlando beauty and you’ll know the true definition of wrath. Your face will be severely disfigured by her sharp finger nails, someone might think a leopard attacked you. Thee chic are amazing when in spirited moods but devils when angry. Whoever came up with the saying, ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ probably dated a chic from Kaloleni.