1. Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away
2. Life’s like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it shits on your head.
3. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
4. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
5. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
6. If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much -
7. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away
8. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway
9. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.
10. It takes less time to do something right than to explain why it was done wrong
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