How To Avoid Going To Work

so guys this are some ways on how to tell your boss u cant go to work today

If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work.

The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

I can't get off my bed, but I feel good about it.

I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source
on exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my
dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late,
or early.

Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have
that deadline to meet...

I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

My stigmata's acting up.

I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to
work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

The dog ate my car keys. We're on a matatu to the vet.

My step mother has come back as one of the Undead and we must track
her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace.
One day should do it.

I can't come to work today because the Environmental Protection
Agency has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands
and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax.

I insist on paying my fair share.

I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead.