a) Avoid revealing your true worth to a Kenyan woman you’re dating; you might find your bank account swept clean or, even worse, find yourself being mauled down by gangsters.
b) Unless you have absolute confidence in your Kenyan woman, avoid- at all costs - taking her to your residence. She might be spying. Just use lodgings and remain anonymous.
c) Don’t allow her to turn you into a biological ATM; if not careful, you’ll be funding an entire clan before you are dumped.
d) If you are marrying a Kenyan woman, never ever…. I repeat…. never ever invest where she comes from. If she is from Kiambu, her father can fool you into giving you a plot and once you develop it, that is when you’ll realize you have been duped.
e) If the woman is from Nyeri, you better learn some self- defense tactics. You never know when she’ll strike. Always be armed with a sword in the bedroom.
f) If the lady is from Nandi, you better learn how to wear sport shoes during the day and track suits as your pyjamas. Keep your car keys ready at hand.
g) If the lady is from coast, Never... Never keep a cat in your house. Wear amulets and do not cheat on her.
h) If you are rich and married to a Kikuyu woman, make sure you get home early otherwise as you wait for the gate to be opened, you might be shot by ‘gangsters’ who’ll not steal anything.
i) If possible avoid long-term relationships with Kenyan women; just do your stuff quickly and leave her before she starts imagining how she’ll turn you into a goldmine. At most, be with her 3 weeks----it is enough for those s*xual escapades.
j) Never ever ever….repeat.. .never ever sleep with a Kikuyu woman without protection. Most likely she wants to turn you into a cash bank through alimonies and child support.
k) take this opportunity to wish everyone peaceful ‘non-religious’ holidays (I don’t celebrate pagan holidays) and to Kenyan ladies, shrewd-free, scheming-free outings.
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