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The 90-day rule
In order to get “benefits” you first need to prove your worth. Steve Harvey introduced this concept in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment. Harvey worked for a Fortune 500 company and before he was eligible for employee benefits he had to work for three months. He believes the same approach works for dating: “You are not a plaything someone to be used and discarded. It tells him that what you have – your benefits [sex] – are special, and that you need time to get to know him and his ways to decide if he deserves them.” It’s pretty simple really: if you want the goods, you have 90 days to earn the goods.
Go slow on the status updates
Since we are one of Africa’s top three users of Facebook and Twitter, immediate updates of your marital status is a big one. Don’t pour out your sexual laundry online. Not everyone wants their business known. So don’t pressure your beau to do so. Give it at least two months before you drag them into clicking on “In a relationship”. The last thing you want to see is your partners’ status reading “It’s complicated”.
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Keep your conquest tally to yourself
We live in a world where there is pressure to show off that you are a stud. But just because you have been around doesn’t mean you need to share this with your partner. You can joke about it if you are asked: “I have had more than mother Theresa,” for example. Even if we ask, deep down the number may prove to be unnerving to your partner. We are human and like to feel like THE ONE (even if we know we are not).
Protect yourself
It doesn’t matter what social theorists, gossips and radio breakfast talk shows discuss. Whether it is a one night stand or a long-term relationship, condoms are a MUST and a responsibility of the both of you. So ladies, carry condoms with you. Brothers, you need to come packing as well. If you care about yourself, you need to protect yourself. Anyone who likes it bila juala, isn’t worth being with.
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Be positively responsive
So what do you do if he’s doing something that isn’t doing it for you? Gently guide and nudge him into what does work for you. And yes, we are talking about sex. Abuse in the heat of the moment will just throw your partner off. (You should also have the courtesy to respond when he hits it right.)
Know your place
Don’t bully your beau! We may be “bumping uglies” but don’t begin to force your way into his or her family. Showing up uninvited at family functions and trying to win the family over is a no-no. Even if his family loves you, you’re not dating them. Ease into each others social circles at a pace that is comfortable to both of you.
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